Mommy Guilt

I can't believe Sunday is the first day of August (we are going to the beach, but that's a whole separate story!) and school is starting back in two weeks. I have had SO much fun this summer with my sweet snuggle puppy. Her personality is so cute and she is so much fun. Even on our "bad" days, I LOVE love love staying home with her. It sucks to go back to work :(

We have been interviewing nannies for the last few weeks and I *think* that we have found someone. I am having so much anxiety this go round when deciding between hiring a nanny and going the daycare route. When I went back to work in March, I knew a nanny was right for us. i wasn't ready to send her to daycare, but now I am having some nagging thoughts in the back of my head. Wouldn't it be good for her to play with other kids? Is she going to get bored over the next year? Won't she benefit from the diversity of kids at daycare? Ugh. Lucy had (has?) a spot at the daycare beside my school, but we didn't send in our deposit two weeks ago when they called to say the spot was ours, so I am pretty sure they aren't just holding it for us, making all of these thoughts a moot point anyway.

Although it shouldn't matter when it comes to the care of our sweet girl, a nanny is also going to wind up costing us quite a bit more for this year as well. The girl we have tentatively offered the job too negotiated the salary and now I feel that my entire paycheck seriously is going to child care. I know that me working for at least this next year is the best choice for our family so that we can hopefully sell this house and buy a new one, but man... it stinks! I am also just nervous about starting a new school year and balancing out all of those responsibilities (and the beginning of the year is SOO BUSY) and my time with Lucy. *deep breaths*

I should mention that Andrew definitely wants to go the nanny route because he likes being able to come home throughout the day and see Lucy and he loves that we don't have to pack her up and drop her off somewhere. I like that part too. I like that she gets to be home with her things, her dogs, her crib. I like that her routine stays pretty much the same during the week and on the weekends. I like that the nanny can take her to Gymboree, to the library, to Target. I like that she can still take walks around the neighborhood with her little friends, just like we've done all summer. (Here is where the mommy guilt comes in to play big time - I want to be the one to do all those things with her!)

In other news, we got back from our trip visiting family in New York on Sunday and she has settled wonderfully back into our summertime routine. She has even been taking some decent crib naps... woohoo! She is trying to wave and scooting all over the place and is basically the cutest baby ever (ok, I might be a little biased, but still!).

Check out my cutie!

See why I want to stay home with her?! :)